The NHL All Ugly Team

Given today's rather uneventful day of no hockey, I decided to unveil the All Ugly Team. The following 4 lines of forwards, 3 pairs of defensemen, 2 reserves and 2 goalies make up the NHL's ugliest roster. Of course, this may be just my opinion but it still doesn't take away from the humor. Hockey's never been a "pretty boy" sport and I know that, but some of these guys are just plain scary looking.

LINE 1

Jarkko Ruutu (L), Bobby Holik (C) and Tyler Kennedy (R) make up the first line of the All Ugly Team. Jarkko Ruutu's ancestry apparently dates back to dinosaurs, which might explain his bite of Buffalo Sabres forward Adam Mair. I swear I've seen Bobby Holik in the Gieco commercials as a caveman and Tyler Kennedy is simply weird looking on top of being a whiner for the Pittsburgh Penguins.

LINE 2

Anchored by Rod Brind'Amour (C) and his serial-killer-like stoneface, Rod displays that ugliness can also be displayed on the ice as well, just look at his -29. Then helping out on the left wing is Miroslav Satan, sporting a lovely uni-brow and same facial hair since the 1997 season. On the right we have Nathan Horton, a promising young star for the Panthers, who resembles a Goomba from the early 90's live action Super Mario Brothers movie.

LINE 3

Alexander Ovechkin (L) is proof that scoring goals will not improve your looks. The NHL's leading goal scorer and MVP gives himself good reason to wear a dark visor. Another NHL star, Pavel Datsyuk, has a rare triangular head, giving him a Green Goblin-esque head. On the right is Kings forward Michael Handzus, who just looks like the creepy neighbor that your family doesn't invite to the Christmas Party for a reason.

LINE 4

If I were to ever meet Sharks tough-guy Jody Shelley (L), I'd probably ask him what sour fruit he bit into before taking this picture. In the center is Kings forward Anze Kopitar, a talented player who possesses the facial attributes of a cross between Lurch from the Adams family and Frankenstein. On the right is Maple Leafs forward Jason Blake, who's ugliness is only topped by his persistent complaining and crying to referees.

RESERVES

Hey, it's Woogie from There's Something About Mary! Oh wait...that's just Jason Chimera (L). Look at Jiri Hudler (R) and try to convince me that his nickname wasn't "Beans" in elementary school.

DEFENSIVE PAIRING 1

Thrashers Alternate Captain Niclas Havelid (L) is currently in his 3rd season with the Thrashers but is also in his 35th year of looking like a troll. Av's defensemen Adam Foote (R) simply reminds me of Freddy Krueger, ultimately making him 10 times scarier.

DEFENSIVE PAIRING 2

On the left is Boston defensemen Shane Hnidy, the sheriff. Certainly not the best looking sheriff in town, but he makes up for it with his hard hitting and willingness to drop the gloves. Teppo Numminen (R) has been through a great deal in his 15 year hockey career, but he still looks like a decaying skeleton.

DEFENSIVE PAIRING 3

Aaron Johnson (L) is not fully human. He's 50% man, 50% ewok from Star Wars. Sami Salo rounds out the list of defensemen, who in my opinion looks like a 70 year old woman.

GOALTENDERS

Starting in net is Pascal Leclaire, we should give him credit though. He's the first person from WhoVille to play in the NHL, The Grinch is proud you injury prone 1st round draft pick. Backing him up is the Bulin Wall, perhaps he earned that nickname from stopping pucks with his face rather than his blocker.